Babysitting Woes
by Eli-kun
Summary: Another fic featuring Grundy Golem. He's my favorite Xanth character, hence I enjoy torturing him.


Babysitting Woes  
  
I don't own Xanth or any of the characters. Standard disclaimers apply.  
  
Queen Irene was quite frazzled. Her almost three-year-old daughter, Ivy was simply too much for her. She needed a break. She needed rest. She also needed some time to become more intimate with her husband, Dor. She needed someone who could occupy her child for a while. With unknown luck she spotted Grundy Golem. He seemed to be having a conversation with her plants.  
  
"Oh Grundy, can you come here for a second?" she inquired sweetly.  
  
"What for, Stinkfinger?" the golem answered in his usual polite manner.  
  
"Just do what I say, or I'll wring your stringy little neck!" she retorted. The tiny golem's loud mouth did tend to get on her nerves. He answered her threat with another of his trademarked insults before obeying her command.  
  
"What is your wish, Queen Irene the Green?" he asked with mock courtesy. He noticed that she seemed too tired to do him real harm. She didn't even try to kick at him when he looked up her skirt at her legs, which were still quite shapely.  
  
"Are you looking up my skirt, you little pervert?" She asked, "Never mind, I need you to do me a favor."  
  
"I thought favors of doing you were your husband's job." He commented with a smirk. That smirk disappeared when she glared at him. The tiny man could be a big annoyance at times.  
  
"Listen ragbrain, I'm in no mood to deal with your big mouth!" she said. The golem had a knack for getting on her already frayed nerves. She decided to simply tell him her request straight out.  
  
"Can you watch Ivy for a few hours?" She asked.  
  
"Sure, I'll watch the little tyke." He said. He was going to add a rude comment about her spending some quality time with Dor but she left before he was able to say anything else. Before he knew it he was left alone with the young Sorceress.  
  
The little girl soon spotted him. She seemed surprisingly excited about seeing him. She clapped her hands in a girlishly cute manner and exclaimed "Ooh, Mommy left a dolly for me to play with!"  
  
'Uh oh' Grundy thought. He was justifiably afraid of what the little princess was going to do to him. She grabbed him rather roughly as she was about to play with him. If he was still made of bits of string and rag, he wouldn't have cared but he was made of flesh. Having flesh caused him to feel what was known as pain. This was one of the disadvantages of being real. This pain caused him to cry out. The girl dropped him in surprise, which unfortunately caused him more pain.  
  
" Ooh, the dolly can talk!" The girl said happily.  
  
"I'm not a Dolly. I'm a golem." Grundy said with as much dignity as he could muster, which wasn't much. The small child seemed unable to comprehend what he was saying. She was intelligent for her age but she wasn't even three years old yet. She giggled at him.  
  
"Silly Dolly" she said. She had an odd, seemingly evil glint in her huge, childish green eyes. Grundy was apparently in a lot of trouble. Fear was another unpleasant aspect of being real. He was suddenly becoming quite familiar with that emotion.  
  
"Oh, you're really in for it now" he heard a few of the plants in the room snicker.  
  
"Shut up, greenleafs! What do you know?" he retorted in plant language.  
  
"You'll find out." The plants responded before simultaneously bursting into more uncontrollable laughter. He let out a frustrated sigh. He noticed Ivy bringing out doll-sized dresses and other little things girls used on their dolls. He did not like the look of those dresses.  
  
"Now be a good dolly," Ivy said as she advanced on him with one of dresses. It was a horrid pink frilly thing with lace and bows. The mere sight of the dress both horrified and disgusted the little man. He backed away. He would have run away but he was obligated to watch the little terror known as Princess Ivy.  
  
"Keep that thing away from me, Palace Brat Junior!" he said crossly. The girl smiled, not realizing that she was being insulted. She chose not to listen to him. He suddenly had the idea to run under her bed and hide for a while. He knew she was slightly afraid of the Monster Under the Bed.  
  
Once he was under the bed a rough hand grabbed him.  
  
"What are you doing here, Intruder?" the bed monster asked. The monster was made of hands. Grundy decided to be civil with the monster.  
  
"I'm hiding from Ivy," he answered, "Please, let me stay here for a while, Snortimer." He figured this way he would be safe without neglecting his babysitting duties. He hoped to be able to reason with the monster, which is why he used the monster's actual name instead of an insult.  
  
"Silly dolly, what are you doing under the bed?" Ivy asked. Snortimer started to chuckle. The monster had an idea of what Ivy was about to do. He threw Grundy out from under the bed. He would enjoy watching the little trespasser suffer.  
  
Grundy unluckily landed in Ivy's small hand. She used her talent to enhance her ability to catch things. She grabbed the monstrosity of a doll dress and forced it on her babysitter. The dress was a bit too large for him but he didn't care about that minor detail. He hated being put in a dress.  
  
"I can't wear this dress, Princess Pain In the Rear. It's too big for me." He said, in an attempt to reason with the small child. The girl smiled as a response, again ignoring his insult. The hateful dress altered so that it fit his small frame perfectly. She used her talent on the dreaded article of clothing. She continued to play with him as if he was a doll while using her talent of enhancement. She giggled. This was obviously amusing the little girl. His protests and insults remained unheeded. The laughter of Snortimer and the nearby plants became deafening. He desperately wanted the child to become bored of her new "Dolly" but he unwillingly had her occupied for a few hours. He felt the combination of relief and embarrassment when Irene came back.  
  
"Look Mommy, I made the Dolly pretty." Ivy said happily. The golem noticed that Irene was trying not to laugh. She seemed rather smug about the whole thing.  
  
"Yes Honey, you made him look very pretty." Irene said to her daughter. She figured the loudmouthed twerp had what was coming to him.  
  
"Don't say a word!" Grundy said angrily. Irene smirked as she brought a small mirror towards him. He looked at it in shock. Ivy had really transformed him. His once stringy hair was changed into long luxurious tresses (not too long), which was tied with a silken bow. His awkwardly scrawny body became somewhat graceful. His features were changed to give him an overall feminine appearance. He did indeed look very pretty.  
  
This frightened him to the point of fainting, in what was most likely a proper maidenly swoon. 


End file.
